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Atheism

Two decadent dabs of woo for you

#1 - From the BBC: Japan speed-eater's jaw arthritis

I know you're all just as sad as I am to hear that Kobayashi has opened his mouth for so many wieners, he's gone arthritic. Honestly, I don't quite comprehend competitive eating and really do see it as emblematic of all of the things the poorer and/or snootier parts of the world hate about the rest of us. The fact that this guy has done something to his jaw in 29 years of living that most senior citizens don't even manage, well, that's an achievement.

But of course, I mentioned some woo in the title, and I'd hate to leave you hanging (emphasis mine):

Already I can't open my jaws more than just a little bit," he wrote. "There's no pain only if I open my mouth about enough for one finger. More than that is painful and I can't open it."

A specialist had diagnosed him with arthritis of the jaw, said Kobayashi, from Nagoya in Japan.

"To tell the truth, I'm desperate about healing completely before the 4 July contest," he said, adding that he had begun receiving treatment at a hospital and from a chiropractor.

Yes...a chiropractor. Because CLEARLY a subluxation in his back is blocking the flow of innate intelligence and causing distress and swelling in one of the joints of his jaw. That's practical, reasonable medicine. Make sure you get back out there and keep on downing those dogs, Kobayashi! The repetitive hyperextension of your temporomandibular joint's probably got NOTHING to do with it.

#2 - From CNN: Hilton opens up on drugs, jail and God

I don't usually talk about Paris Hilton here, mainly because there's not really a very good reason for anyone to talk about Paris Hilton, pretty much ever. And even if there were, the guys from South Park said just about all that needed to be said.

But this story was too much for me to pass up. It's not just that she claims to have never done drugs, though that's reason enough to be skeptical. It's not just that she states that being strip searched was the most humiliating experience of her life (the percentage of people who HAVEN'T seen Paris nude in one form or another is actually smaller than the percentage of people who HAVE seen ME naked). It's not even that she STILL doesn't believe she belonged in prison, according to the current law.

No, what amuses me most is here:

[...] and although she feels her incarceration was unwarranted, God had a reason for putting her there.

"Don't serve the time; let the time serve you," Hilton said. "I have a new outlook on life."

Oh, I'm sorry... GOD put you in prison, Ms. Hilton? Sheesh, I'd like to believe that, if there were a creator of all things, he/she/it would have more important matters to attend to than ensuring that a nasty, spoiled Earth-skank spends less than a month in a prison not quite as dismal as most college dorm rooms.

But the best part of the story is here (emphasis mine):

During her 23 days in jail, she said she meditated, read letters from fans, talked to other inmates through the vents, wrote in her journal and read the Bible, though she couldn't cite a favorite passage when asked.

Such dedication! A REAL new outlook, and a real commitment to religion. I don't know what's worse, attempting to placate the sky-father by FINDING him when you're in prison, or invoking him superficially, solely to make it seem like you're not as unredeemable a piece of human waste as you seem. Considering, of course, certain records of HIS deeds, he may not be the best source to use as proof of your own newfound rectitude.

Comments

That she still doesn't think she deserved prison for ignoring the courts shows her continued contempt for society's justice. She's obviously stupid, but I think this goes to show she really does live on a different planet.

That she uses a bit of pop religion on her release shows how vapid she really is. But then this is no surprise.
Yeah, agreed on both counts. And although I don't particularly approve of the paparazzi and their techniques, I know it's only a matter of time until one of them catches her out and totally drunk, or gets a picture of her doing coke or something. She WILL "revert" (as if she ever changed) and she will get caught doing so...I guess that's what makes her statements here all the more silly.

(Anonymous)

Two idiotic people...

I think stuffing yourself that way for a contest is pitiful - I don't know why people enjoy or get a kick out of watching others do that. Ugh.

Perhaps it's because of all the media competition these days, but I can't recall someone as undeserving as Paris Hilton getting so much attention say 10-20 years ago.

(Anonymous)

Two idiotic people...

I think stuffing yourself that way for a contest is pitiful - I don't know why people enjoy or get a kick out of watching others do that. Ugh.

Perhaps it's because of all the media competition these days, but I can't recall someone as undeserving as Paris Hilton getting so much attention say 10-20 years ago. Her comment about how gross it is undressing in front of someone you don't even know was laughable, as is carrying the Bible and other books with their titles facing out. Perhaps she should have just stuck to the idea of creating a sort of halfway house as she said, and canned the Bible-baloney. Put her money to good use.

And that's the egregious part of her driving without a license - she has all the money to be chauffered everywhere. When I was her age, I certainly would have liked a limo waiting when I went out to bars and clubs and not have had to worry about drinking/driving. Most people don't have that luxury when they screw up (or get caught) and it can significantly impact getting to work, etc. So, for her to think it was still wrong that she had to spend all of three weeks in jail, well, apparently she didn't look deep enough within herself to appreciate that. Maybe she meant Dog.

Re: Two idiotic people...

Yeah...there are definite benefits to having an omnipresent media, but there are also pretty severe drawbacks and the celebrity of Paris Hilton, Kevin Federline, et al. attests to that fact. And obviously, she sells papers and gets viewers or else she'd be toast by now, so I guess it's another case of America getting the celebrities it deserves.

The whole angle with her being chauffered is interesting...she really never had any need to drive in the first place, no need to have ever been cautioned, ticketed, etc, and absolutely no need to drive again after all of that.

The funniest thing about it is that she spent THREE WEEKS in jail, as you said. I'm not saying I'd like to do that, as I'm a small skinny dude and, well, I'd be passed around like currency I'm sure. At the same time, if you read her comments she makes it sound as if she were in for years. If I were a longer term prisoner, especially one in on more dubious grounds (like Genarlow Wilson or any of the kids on mandatory minimums for relatively petty drug crimes) I'd SO want to beat her down.

Re: Two idiotic people...

And obviously, she sells papers and gets viewers or else she'd be toast by now, so I guess it's another case of America getting the celebrities it deserves.

But you look at what they're spending to get dibs on interviews while they're cutting costs elsewhere: http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/celebrity/la-et-nbc22jun22,1,2494128.story?coll=la-headlines-entnews

At the same time, if you read her comments she makes it sound as if she were in for years.

Wearing an orange jumpsuit is hard. It doesn't suit most skin tones and it's worse than off-the-rack. It's so humiliating, even knowing that after three *traumatic* weeks in the slammer you're going back to your multimillion dollar lifestyle, where the dog lives better than most people in the world. She needs a book on dignity.

I still like the idea of a Hilton for ex-cons.